You’re Not a Bad Parent: 8 Things Kids May Not Like

No parent wants to be hated by their child. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling when a child looks their parents right in the eye and says “You’re the worst mom in the world.” or “I wish my friend's dad were mine ” While some  children are bold enough to make such bold declarations, it still feels like a hit on  the chest when your child whines at your instructions or looks at you in a way that convinces you you’re made of pure evil when you tell them they can’t play outside.

The experience of feeling immense guilt, overwhelmed, and like you’re a bad parent whenever your child doesn’t see eye-to-eye with you is a universal one. But it begs the question; is there a right way to parent? Is there a specific procedure to follow or exact steps to take so you can know for certain that you are the “perfect” parent who is adored by your child? The short and hard answer is NO. There is no such thing as the perfect parent and no parent has it all figured out.

But what if, amidst the parenting guilt, I told you you’re not a bad parent? Join me as we take a close look at eight beneficial things parents do that kids hate. 

1.Saying ‘No’ isn't Bad Parenting 

80% of the time, your child is going to make a not-so-logical request like if they can eat candy every morning for breakfast or if they can stay up all night and play video games. It may be difficult to see your child disappointed, but saying no isn’t a crime. By being able to tell your child no, you’re teaching them the existence of boundaries, developing self-discipline, and preparing them for the real world as they learn to brace and cope with rejections. Saying ‘yes’ all the time can be detrimental to your child —  giving them the unrealistic expectation that everything in life just goes their way would tell on their decision making process as they grow older.

2.Setting a Curfew Should not Make You Feel Guilty 

There are many benefits that come with the rule ‘be home by 8pm and in bed by 9pm’. Not only are you protecting your child from unforeseen dangers and risks that take place outside late at night, you are also teaching them the importance of time management while setting up a structure and routine in their lives that help with their development. If you have an older child, they may complain and roll their eyes about how ‘uncool’ you are and in the case of younger children like toddlers they may throw tantrums because they weren’t able to finish watching a cartoon but as Matthew Henry said, ‘After the storm comes the calm’. 

3.Doing Chores Teaches Kids Responsibility 

I’m sure you can sympathize with growing kids knowing that it's not the most fun thing in the world to wake up in the morning nor  have washing the dishes to be the first thing on their  to-do list. Your kid would most likely whine and fuss throughout the duration of the chore, but whether they realize it or not they are learning responsibility and the importance of good hygiene. You can make the tidying-up process a bit more fun for your child by creating a chore playlist or turning it into a fun game where the first to finish all their tasks gets a prize! 

4.Unsolicited Advice Develops Your Child’s Emotional Well-being

On the surface level, giving unsolicited advice can come off as intrusive, patronizing, or just plain annoying but on a deeper level, it's a form of guidance children need from their parents. Your child may think they know everything and that you can’t relate to the problems they’re facing, and in truth, maybe you can’t fully understand the problem but don’t feel bad when you throw in a piece of advice they didn’t ask for. Remember to give them the space to make the final decision and whether they take your advice or not, it will register somewhere in their mind when they need help another time that they can always come to you for help.

5.Teaching Them Every Negative Action Has a Consequence.

The bane of most parents' existence is teaching their children the art of ‘what goes around comes back around’. Maybe they offend a friend or someone older than them and you decide to make them write an apology letter to said person, if they fail a test at school and you seize their phone so they have more time to focus on reading instead of getting distracted or maybe they make a snarky comment at you that earns them a time out. Every child hates receiving negative consequences for their negative actions but they learn to live cautiously knowing that negative actions bring about negative consequences. 

6.Hovering Shows You Care

Children may interpret hovering as parents being overprotective or being too involved but whether your child realizes it sooner or later, when you constantly show interest in their lives it shows you care. Don’t feel bad when you continuously ask your child questions like ‘how was  school today?’, ‘Did you make any new friends?’ or  ‘Did you learn anything new or interesting?’ Most kids will see it as you pestering them in that moment but at the same time, it shows you’re a present parent who is concerned about even the littlest things about your child. 

7.Enrolling Them in Social Activities 

Some parents strive to give their children the lives they couldn't attain for themselves when they were younger. Parents tend to enroll their kids in sports, music lessons, scouts, volunteer work, and the like for a chance for them to learn skills and make friends. Oftentimes, your child may not be interested in whatever social activity you’ve placed them in. It’s natural to feel hurt when your child doesn't want to be a part of something you find exciting but sometimes it takes children a longer time to feel comfortable doing something out of the ordinary for them. You don’t need to force them to take part in it. You can simply tell them to give it a shot and if they come around to it that’s great but if not, then don’t force it they’ll find something that interests them soon enough. 

8.Monitoring Your Child’s Friendships 

Friendships play a huge role in shaping your child’s outlook on life, personality, behavior, and overall well-being. Ultimately, every parent wants to ensure their child is kept far away from negative influences. If you're having funny feelings about a certain friend or friend group your child is engaging with and what your child is picking up from them, though it might be painful for your child, don't hesitate to limit the contact between your child and that set of people. 

The key to parenting is doing everything out of love and maintaining the right balance between being too strict and being too lenient. You need to keep in mind that every child is going to grow up to be an adult one day, hence, it's important to not only implement rules into their lives but also to let them know why you as a parent insist on doing the things you do. Be it explaining to them the importance of going to bed early, letting them know why you don’t think keeping certain friends in their space is good for them or even enrolling them in a dance class. 

Parenting has its highs and lows but as long as you’re seeking the best for your child emotionally, socially, and physically though you may make mistakes, you can rest assured that you’re doing a good job. Take a second and reflect on your parenting techniques. How can you apply these into you and your child’s lives to ease parenting guilt?