EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: LIVING. WITH A NARCISSIST

          Narcissism, a word you have heard countless times but never bothered to know in details, what it means? Well,Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, often including an inflated sense of one's own importance and a deep need for admiration and attention. It is an extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. While everyone may show occasional narcissistic behaviours , true narcissists frequently disregard others or their feelings. They also do not understand the effect that their behaviour has on other people. It can be in more severe forms like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which involves more persistent and pervasive patterns affecting a person's relationships and functioning.

         Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behaviour, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships. People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks.

      Narcissism is closely related to patriarchy because it is a form of entitlement and control that is often seen in male-dominated societies. Narcissists tend to have a sense of superiority and entitlement that can lead to a need to control their environment and the people around them.

        Narcissism in marriages sees certain features that are always exhibited by the husbands and fathers. One of the traits they exhibit is the grandiose sense of self-importance. Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Melinda and Smith (2023) stated that “Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people. What’s more, they are too good for anything average or ordinary. They only want to associate and be associated with other high-status people, places, and things.”

        Narcissists also believe that they’re better than everyone else and expect recognition as such—even when they’ve done nothing to earn it. They will often exaggerate or outright lie about their achievements and talents. And when they talk about work or relationships, all you’ll hear is how much they contribute, how great they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them. They are the undisputed star and everyone else is at best a bit player. The spiritual type believes that the other members of the family are “hindering him from his salvation.” 

         They also need constant praise and admirations. A narcissist’s sense of superiority is like a balloon that gradually loses air without a steady stream of applause and recognition to keep it inflated. The occasional compliment is not enough. Narcissists need constant food for their ego, so they surround themselves with people who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for affirmation. These relationships are very one-sided. It’s all about what the admirer can do for the narcissist, never the other way around. And if there is ever the slightest interruption or diminishment in the admirer’s attention and praise, the narcissist treats it as a betrayal.

            The sense of entitlement of a narcissist is astonishing. This is because they consider themselves special, narcissists expect favorable treatment as their due. They truly believe that whatever they want, they should get, especially when they are the breadwinners. They also expect the people around them to automatically comply with their every wish and whim. That is their only value. If you don’t anticipate and meet their every need, then you’re useless. And if you have the nerve to defy their will or “selfishly” ask for something in return, prepare yourself for aggression, outrage, or the cold shoulder.

             Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others—to put themselves in other people’s shoes. In other words, they lack empathy. In many ways, they view the people in their lives as objects—there to serve their needs. As a consequence, they don’t think twice about taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Sometimes this interpersonal exploitation is malicious, but often it is simply oblivious. Narcissists simply don’t think about how their behavior affects others. And if you point it out, they still won’t truly get it. The only thing they understand is their own needs. They also display traits such as lack of empathy, entitlement i.e. expecting special treatment and automatic compliance, exploitative behavior, envy and arrogance

            The effects of narcissism on marriages are quite a lot, some of which are low self-esteem, loss of connection with other people in your life, losing a sense of your own identity and individual needs, poor boundaries in all areas of your life, low motivation and fatigue, developing mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depression, among others.

         While the narcissist in your life may be very reluctant to change, there are ways to cope with their manipulative and damaging behavior, protect yourself, and find emotional fulfillment. Narcissists can be very magnetic and charming. They are very good at creating a fantastical, flattering self-image that draw us in. It’s easy to get caught up in their web, thinking that they will fulfill our longing to feel more important, more alive. But it’s just a fantasy, and a costly one at that.

        Look at the way the narcissist treats others. If the narcissist lies, manipulates, hurts, and disrespects others, he or she will eventually treat you the same way. Don’t fall for the fantasy that you’re different and will be spared. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and caring. But narcissists aren’t capable of true reciprocity in their relationships. It isn’t just that they’re not willing; they truly aren’t able. They don’t see you. They don’t hear you. They don’t recognize you as someone who exists outside of their own needs. Because of this, narcissists regularly violate the boundaries of others. What’s more, they do so with an absolute sense of entitlement.

        Narcissists don’t live in reality, and that includes their views of other people. Don’t let their shame and blame game undermine your self-esteem. Refuse to accept undeserved responsibility, blame, or criticism. That negativity is the narcissist’s to keep. One of the most helpful tips one would suggest is to not argue with a narcissist. When attacked, the natural instinct is to defend yourself and prove the narcissist wrong. But no matter how rational you are or how sound your argument, they are unlikely to hear you. And arguing the point may escalate the situation in a very unpleasant way. Don’t waste your breath. Simply tell the narcissist you disagree with their assessment, then move on.

         It’s up to you to stand firm. Don’t buy into the narcissist’s version of who you are. Spend time with people who give you an honest reflection of who you are. In order to maintain perspective and avoid buying into the narcissist’s distortions, it’s important to spend time with people who know you as you really are and validate your thoughts and feelings.

         Living with a narcissist can feel like you're constantly riding an emotional rollercoaster. The highs of their charm and charisma quickly spiral into the lows of manipulation, control, and emotional neglect. Understanding the traits of narcissism is crucial to navigate this turbulent journey. It's important to seek support and establish boundaries to protect your mental health and wellbeing. The first step towards reclaiming your emotional stability is recognizing the patterns and taking proactive steps to build a healthier environment for yourself.